Have always felt that to worry was and is a waste of time. But today I am uneasy as my wife who just had eye surgery last week is having problems. Yesterday when the stitch was removed, it didn’t come out as it should have and caused a problem, so today she must go back in for more surgery on that eye. Whether I worry or not, the out come will be the same. But still, it bothers me to want the best for her and knowing that nothing I do or want makes any difference.
To me worry is the cause of most of the illness we have in this country. Worry is stress and stress kills the mind and body. The body is or ought to be a finely tuned machine, start stressing that machine and parts start to brake down. Always loved that Adel Davis, a health nut about eating right to keep from getting cancer and such, died from cancer. Yule Kippens,(not sure how that name is spelled) another health nut who said you could eat pine nuts all the time on TV also died from cancer. One of the Kellogg’s brothers, the one who was a health nut died I think from a heart attack. So much for being healthy. There are people who drink and smoke everyday of their lives and live to be a hundred, others walk out from passing a physcial with flying colors and die outside the doctors office. I believe that the stress of worrying about keeping from getting cancer is what caused the cancer of those health nuts.
My sister is an ex-smoker and I never hear the end of her telling me Ishould quit. Our mother died from lung cancer, but she had quit smoking some 20 years or so before, so much for being healthier by quiting. Some say if it is in the genes you will get it. That is where worry and stress come into picture for me. When it shows up, you can stop worrying, there is nothing to worry about anymore, I guess one could start worry about how soon one might die though. But at least one doesn’t have to worry about getting cancer any more.
Worry can also go un-noticed in ones life. The day I told my brother that he had out lived our father, you could see the tension drop right out of his face and body. I don’t think he was even aware that he had that worry in him. I sure didn’t know it. But worry and tension can hide within and eat away at the life force of a person. So long ago I quit worrying about things as best I could. What happens will happen. I always hope for the best, expect the worst and accept what happens. Can’t really say it could have been worse, cause it wasn’t, can’t say it could have been better cause it wasn’t, it is as it is.
Have always wondered about those who pray to a god for the best out come and then don’t get it. If it goes right for them they can say a god answered their prayers, but what reason can they have for a god not answering that prayer? Does god think they are not worthy? Is it the plan for god to be taking a soul into heaven despite what the person or people praying want? God moves in mysterious ways is just a why of saying one doesn’t know and one can keep believing any how. Of course if one puts the out come in a gods hands, one need not worry about it, that at least is good for ones health I’d say. So I have found one good reason for the belief in a god.
One can fall from a three story building and live, one can fall off a foot stool and die, no rhyme or reason to it. When ones number is up, that is it. But I have to wonder about that. I had by-pass surgery some 11 years ago, so the question is, did I cheat death by doing that? Am I living on borrowed time? Considering the over all out come, I am not sure that death might not have been a better deal for me. Sure I have gotten to spend these many years with the woman I love, but the side effect I have to live with is mean to me. Before I had the surgery, I could handle the heat and cold of this world, now I cannot. I am trapped indoors most of the time because it is too hot or too cold for me to go out and do the things I used to do and still want to do. Alive, but a prisoner from living life, a fair trade? I had a choice at the time before the surgery. Spend what time the doctors thought I had left with my love or chance death on the table and lose that time, or do the surgery and have years with my love or lose her by dieing on the table. I tease my love with that, the old Chinese saying that if you save a persons life, you are responsible for that life. I did the operation because she wanted me to do it, she was willing to gamble my life away for a chance that she would have more years with me. Now to make this story a little more interesting, the time frame for this decision was less than 12 hours, the doctors didn’t I would last the night if didn’t have the surgery the next morning, I had a nurse with me all night just in case. How did I feel at the time, well I felt just fine, I couldn’t have said I had a problem in the world, no pain, no heart attacks, no nothing really to say I was about to die. But, I did have one completely closed main artery to the heart and one main 95% blocked off, I didn’t mess around with all of the little ones, just 2 of the 3 main ones. Anyhow, with that being the case, that is why the doctors thought I could go at any second, and bumped two people out of the way so I could have that surgery first the next morning.
Worry was not a part of that whole deal, either I live or I die, either way was alright with me once I decided to do it. Death does not scare me, It will be the end of my questions about ????? About what? Why we are here, is there a god or gods? Is there a point to all of this? I can only hope it might give me the answers, but no one knows, do they? Another reason for one not to worry, it really doesn’t really matter what is next, we have to go anyway, there is no choice about that. Sooner or later we will find out what’s on the other side of life. I am at this point not in a hurry to get there, I am still curious about what the human race will do next. I hope to see some growth in the mind set of mankind, but I doubt it. Still watching the History and Discovery Channels on TV gives me hope that man might yet grow up, for they do have shows about life and ask the questions that I ask. Be nice if they could really come up with some answers though.
A foot note here, just heard that my wife’s second eye surgery went just fine. So no “worry” there, it went as it went, lucky it was good, glad it was good too.