Dansideas's Blog

July 23, 2009

Life ramblings

Filed under: A Tought — Tags: , , , , , , , , — dansideas @ 2:47 am

This routine of post daily is not going to be an easy routine to get into. I have never really thought my life was something special, though there are others who have thought so. Had a friend once many years who was going to write a book with me as the main character, until I did something he disaproved of. End of that story.Lets see just what have I done that could be thought of as special. Kicked out of high school for not going to high school, not sure that ever made any sense. Kicked out of the Navy for drugs back in the 60’s, nothing special there, there were thousands of us who got caught up in the drugs and war protest of the 60’s. Have to say it, I was a damn fine sailor, but a lousy navy-man. Lets see lost every job I ever had, had a wife who left me for another man. Ok before you get a the idea I was a bad person lets explain some of these things and why they happened.

To start off with I discovered after my wife left that I have a personality disorder. I am one of those people who cannot follow orders, if am told to do it I just fight back at some point. No control over that, at least less than I would like to have. So I am very independent, try to do things that don’t involve others to much. Back in my days of high school they changed the rules in my JR. year by having speech for a quarter of the semester mandatory. Needles to say I don’t like to get up in front of people, not them and not today either, So I would ditch the class or the whole day sometimes. Net result, got that kick out for not going to that speech class. I did finish some years later, for what ever that is or was worth.

The Navy, oh boy not even sure where to start with that story. Lets see, won the academic award in boot camp and wasn’t smart enough to get to go to any of the schools that were offered. Was sent to an ammunition ship doing a tour of duty off the coast of Viet Nam. First thing I see coming on board was some guys kicking shells overboard for no other reason than they were bored. So much for the safty classes about ammunition learned in boot camp. Learned not to worry about the fires that happened almost everyday, after all if the ship blows up there wont be anything left for anyone to find. There was one ammunition ship that did blow up, they did find the anchor some 11 miles or so away in the side of a mountain. Anyhow one soon learns that ones life is not worth much and really stops thinking about dying, one has to live while one is still alive. Second month on board that ship I got impaled by a forklift. Why, well the main reason was that the Naval officer in charge of my division didn’t get around to ordering non-skid material for the deck we worked on, it just had smooth paint. Add a big storm at sea which caused the ship to sway from side to side and nothing on the deck to help keep that forklift stable and it came sliding right into me. Again another lesson in why worry about dying. The pains that accident cause me to have for years didn’t seem important enough to the Navy to discharge me. My knuckles would turn white from holding on to things as the pains swept though me. Another time I asked a fellow sailor if he had turned off the power to some lights that I had to change the bulbs in, he said he had, in the heat of that area off Viet Nam ones hands sweat and the sweat driped down into the light socket of the bulb I was turning and zap I am being electrocuted. I could not turn loose of the bulb, all I could do was to try and throw that light unit which weight some few pounds hoping that the sweat would act like a lubricant and slide off my hands, luckly it did. Again my life is not seeming to be worth much in the scheme of things. Now also being surrounded by other and older sailors who drank and were doing drugs, is it any wonder I got into it? Hell I figured I could die anyday why not have some fun and take my mind off what was round me. Was that an excuse to get into drugs? Now I would no, but back then I was only 17, and not a very smart 17 either.
Now there was a time when there was a thing called the Laried directive (not sure about the spelling on that) and it stated any person discharged for drug use was to get an automatic upgrade in their discharge. I had the number on my discharge which was the one needed for that upgrade, did I get it? NO! I got to be the first person to have his discharge review at Treasure Island Naval base in Calif, and I got the admiral of that base on my review board. A note here, he was allowed to be on any other reviews after that. This admiral talked of the seas being full of dead sailors in WW II and kept askingĀ  my lawyer who was a female why she wasn’t home having babies. Think his other board members who were part of that naval base might have not wanted to cross him? Any how, I was turned down for that upgrade. The Navy has managed to lose almost all of my records so it is just my word against, well no one now. But there is no longer any proof of my service, except my courtmartials and such. No medical records either, though the Navy did say that if my back goes out, due to that forklift thing, I could go to a VA hospital for it. Like I said, I was a very good sailor, but a bad navy-man. If not mentioned somewhere else I was awarded for saving a mans life. But no proof of that exists. Anyhow long story into short, my entire navy time was like that, Murphy’s Law ruled my Navy time from the day I went in to the day I got out. It didn’t do anything to help my views of life or the world or people. By the way, the Navy did know that I had mental proplems, one of their own psychologist made note of it in my medical records. I always wondered why no one ever bothered do to something about that. If I was unfit mentaly, they should have let me go and not stay in for another year or so. Their incompetence, And I paid the price for it. Today I am on disability for the personality disorder I had even back then and have disability card I carry when I drive because of my back from that forklift accident in 1965. No I haven’t gone near a VA hosiptal, have heard to many horror stories from to many Viet Nam vets to try it. For that matter not hearing any good stories about our vets and the VA from the war we have going on now and the last one for that matter. The Bush wars I call them.

Lost jobs? Lets just say if I have done what I have been told to do, I am not going to make myself look busy just so I wont have to do something else. I didn’t waste my time, I did my job. But bosses don’t like it when people stand around doing nothing, I was told more than once to slow down and not work so fast. Sorry it was not my nature and I paid for it by bring fired many times. I also speak my mind on things, bosses don’t like that either. It got me courtmartialed once in the Navy because I did that. A note here one of those Navy review board members was a friend of the officer I told off and he couldn’t believe that his friend would courtmartial me for that, so much for the truth. By the way I learned telling the truth in the Navy was a bad idea, I found someones wallet once and turn it in so he could have it back. I got accused of being the the who took it, I told that officer what I thought of him told him if I ever find another wallet I would throw it over board, it wan’t worth be honest.

Other jobs I have had, well I was an artist for some years making metal scluptures, worked in an art metal foundry for a good number of years, pieces I helped make are still I believe are or may be in one of the Bart stations in San Franisco, maybe they are, don’t really know as that was some 30 years ago. Of the metal scluptures I made I did ship some them around the world. So my art work was international, sounds good doesn’t it? Really only a few made it out of the country. Some used to and may still hang in some of the big office buildings in Los Angeles. Even had some in the big decorating places in Beverly Hill, Calif. But the market for metal scluptures stopped and I needed to make money and moved on. Worked for a big laser company for awhile as an applications engineer, until I told my boss off about the way he was running the lab and his ideas on the way to do things and treat customers. Ended up mining for gold in Northern California for some 15 years. Had my own mining claims, didn’t get rich, but made enough to make it pay for irself as something to do. Had to quit thought. Needed by-pass heart surgery and for some unknown reason it caused me to become overly sensitive to heat and cold. They say everybody who has had it has some unknown change in their life, no one knows why this happens, it just does. For me like I said it was the way I delt with the heat and the cold. Where I mined it got into the 100’s in the summer and it seemed we only had two seasons so no more mining during the summer months, Winter being our other season now was to cold for me, I was stuck indoors almost all year, Can’t do gold minning like that. And that change is still with me after some 12 years, I still cannot handle the heat or the cold, stuck having to have temps between 70 and 75 Degrees. I hate it. But when the blood begins to feel like it is boiling and the tingles start in my neck, I say ok I quit, I will go indoors. And I do start to get very cold when it gets below 70, got to find a warm spot or I start to shiver. What fun life is sometimes. Oh well I could be dead I guess, Hell it might be a better deal, but who knows.

Well think I got carried away with routines or not routines, that hot and cold thing is a bad routine, but I deal with it as I have too. Hope any who read this enjoyed the ramblings. Maybe I will ramble some more tomorrow, check in and see.

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June 30, 2009

Thoughts In Passing

Filed under: odd stuff 5 — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — dansideas @ 8:10 pm

THOUGHTS IN PASSING

As I sit around aging
The moments go past into
Nothingness.
While they could be spent
In enjoying ones love.
But ones thoughts are
Usually elsewhere when
You want them here,
And visa-versa.
So what is the answer
To the dilemma of time
Spent not doing what
Wants doing?
Why to be creative!
All the arts are full of
The lonely people pouring
Out their hearts and souls
For the rest of us to see,
To use and enjoy and
Comment about.
For the arts are there for
The return of the love and
The caress the lonely
Artist needs to fulfill
Their empty lives.
C.D.RANSOM

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